


She Hated him! Nah, she didn't.

by Emmawritesalot (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friendship/Love, favorite trope guys it's perfection, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:01:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26126188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Emmawritesalot
Summary: Several moments in which James Potter and Lily Evans came together.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Kudos: 18





	1. Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> Finally posted this on here, took me long enough. ANYWAY.
> 
> I'm planning on making this a collection of one-shots dedicated to Jily moments. This isn't a story with a big, overarching plot, just a few key moments of their relationship that I thought of. Most of the fic is prewritten, just going through some editing, so you can expect regular updates.

Lily was tired. Honestly, she'd had about enough. 

Enough lies, excuses, and constant pleas for attention and support without any consideration for her feelings. It was too much.

White-hot anger threatened to explode out of her. She heard a small snap and looked down at the quill in her hand. It had split in two. She tossed the pieces aside angrily and reached into her bag for another one.

As she studied for her charms final, the anger slowly turned into grief. The events at the lake earlier that day had been some of the worst. It made her sick just thinking about it. 

He had called her _Mudblood._

Severus Snape, her best friend (well, not anymore) had called her a mudblood. She'd trusted him. He had said time and time again that he didn't agree with the rest of the Slytherins. That she was _fine_ That it wasn't important. That she was normal in this world of magic. 

_"Does it make a difference, being muggleborn?" Lily had asked._

_"No," Severus had replied, "it doesn't make any difference."_

Well evidently it does, Lily thought. She should have known that this was going to happen sooner or later. She should have known that he would slip up eventually, what with the people he spent time around. Mulciber, Avery, Black, Lestrange. But it still hurt. It still stung. She had been called mudblood many times. It was normal, especially nowadays. But it was different coming from someone you cared about, someone you thought you could trust. Lily set down the quill and buried her face in her hands. She willed herself to not cry, blinking back her tears.

"Hey."

Lily scowled. She knew who that was. If Lily was angry with Snape, then she was furious with the bespectacled boy who stood behind her. For the longest time, James Potter had been the bane of her Gryffindor experience. Asking her out twice a week, bragging about how amazing he was, and pulling his pranks with his chaotic following of friends. Nearly everyone thought he was perfect, and it bothered her to no end. In her opinion, he was an annoying arrogant arse, and his hexing of others did not add to any good opinions she ever carried. 

She really was sick to death of him. His behavior at the lake, asking her out like that after her humiliation at Snape's hand had made her angrier than ever. She would be quite content to never see him again either. 

"Look," Lily snarled, still refusing to look at him. "I don't have time for your antics right now Potter. Go away."

James blinked.

"Sorry," he asked, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "What did I do now?" It was these words, the fact that he didn't even seem to understand what he had done to Snape, what he had done to her that made her snap.

"You have to be joking," Lily fumed whirling around to face him, knocking over her ink in the process. "Did you conveniently forget what happened at the lake this afternoon,"

James sighed and folded his arms. "All I did was defend you from Snape, Evans. I did nothing wrong."

"Hanging someone upside down by their ankle and taunting them is not self-defense Potter!" Lily shouted, her voice getting higher in pitch. "And _you_ were the one who started the whole thing!"

"He called you a mudblood Evans!" James exclaimed incredulously, "I wasn't just going to let him-"

"That's not an excuse! And he only called me that _after_ you let him down, so don't say that. This whole thing is your fault Potter, and you know it. Stop pretending."

"Excuse me?" James said, clearly surprised. 

"You heard me," Lily snapped back viciously. 

"How is this my fault?" James said coolly, folding his arms. 

If you hadn't provoked him, Potter, Severus would never have said what he said."

"Oh come on Evans," James said angrily. "We both know that isn't true. You know who he hangs around! All of those people are shaping up to be Voldemort's supporters, including him."

"He was a kind, sweet boy before you came along," Lily said, 

"No Evans," James said, "he wasn't. And for your information," He continued coldly, "I didn't make Snape say anything. He chose to call you that name. I'm not responsible for that." Lily was silent. That little fact was true.

Unfortunately, James was right. The future death eaters of the world were the ones that Snape was associating with. It really was only a matter of time before he had said something, as hard as it was to accept.

"Fine," Lily sighed. "Fine. I'll acknowledge that you're right about Sev- Snape. But that doesn't excuse you from attacking him unprovoked. And is especially doesn't excuse you from asking me out like that, especially-"

"I know," James said angrily, "that's why I came to you now-"

"You're here to ask me out again?!" Lily interrupted, exasperated. "Even after what just happened?"

"No Lily," he said loudly, "I came to apologize to you! But if you don't want me to, then fine, I'll get out." Lily was stunned into silence. Apologize? That was unusual. They stared at each other awkwardly, both silent, until James sighed. He turned around and began to walk away. Lily stared after him, and she didn't know what made her do it, but she spoke.

"No, wait," she said begrudgingly. "Just- say what you have to say."

James sighed and turned to look at her. "What can I say, Lily? I don't know what to do. You're right, okay? We took it too far. I shouldn't have said what I said. It was wrong." he scowled. "I hate to admit you're right, especially about that piece of vermin, but..."

She folded her arms.

"Okay," she said, raising her eyebrows.

"And I'm sorry I asked you out in front of everyone like that." He said, "I didn't consider that it might embarrass you."

"No, you didn't," Lily said shortly.

"Look, the point is," he said quickly, "I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"

Lily eyed him curiously. She couldn't tell if he meant it or not. It seemed too good to be true. It would be just like him to act like he was sorry, and then pull some prank on her. She had half a mind to turn her back on him and never speak to him again. But if Lily was honest with herself, she really was tired of arguing with him. And if he was truly guilty, then she wanted to believe it.

 _One less prat to deal with,_ she thought. 

"Yes," she said, sighing. "Fine. I accept your apology."

James's face lit up, and he opened his mouth.

"But," Lily said before he could speak. "That doesn't mean that I'm automatically going to go out with you. And we're still not friends. So don't get any ideas." 

"But I thought-" James began, face falling slightly. Lily held up her hand, and he fell silent, letting her speak. 

"Potter," she said, "you bully people for the fun of it, just because you can. And we will never be friends while you do that. So until you clean up your act, don't expect anything from me," They looked at each other, and James sighed in defeat. 

"Right," he said. "Of course. We have a routine to keep up, after all."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Sure Potter, whatever."

"Lily," a voice said behind her.

She turned to see her friend Mary Macdonald striding from the closed portrait hole. She was looking exhausted, probably due to the non-stop studying for O.W.Ls. But it wasn't her tiredness that made Lily nervous, it was her anger and uneasy demeanor that made her worry. 

"What is it," she asked, frowning at the look on Mary's face.

"Snape," she said angrily, dropping into the seat next to Lily.

"What about him?" Lily said sharply, the anger she felt towards Snape returning again. 

"He's sitting outside the common room door," Mary said, rolling her eyes.

"He's what?" Lily asked incredulously. "Why?"

"He says that he wants to talk to you," Mary said, taking out her Transfiguration book. 

"Well tell him to bugger off," Lily said bitterly. "I don't want to see him at the moment."

"I did," Mary said impatiently. "but he's threatening to sleep out there if you don't-" Anger surged through her again, and the thought that the snake felt was so entitled that he was _waiting_ outside their common room...

"Fine," Lily said, getting up from the chair.

"I'll deal with-" James began.

"No," Lily interrupted, her long red hair whipping around as she whirled to face him. "Did you not just apologize for treating him like rubbish? This is is something I need to take care of."

"Suit yourself, Evans," James said shrugging. "But I'm telling you, you'll come around sometime Evans!" And then, with a final wave, he was gone.

"Bye," Lily muttered.

One less prat to deal with indeed.


	2. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lily gets a letter from her sister and finds comfort in a bespectacled Gryffindor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had trouble updating this, sorry, here's chapter 2.  
> As always, happy reading!  
> :)

It wasn’t rare for Lily to get letters. Her mother wrote her once a week, and her father just as often, informing them about their lives, how much the loved and missed her, and filled with questions about her schooling. 

No, what surprised Lily Evans was the fact she had gotten a letter from Petunia.  
She looked at it with a mixture of shock and distaste, baffled that Petunia would have taken the time to write words on the parchment for her. She shook her head; almost certain it was a joke. She made to open the letter from her sister, but decided against it, dreading whatever was in there. Instead, she picked up the one from her mother, opening it carefully. She yawned tiredly as she took in her mother’s elegant handwriting on the page. 

_Dear Lily,  
How are you? I do hope you're enjoying your term, although I know that final exams are coming up, so I sent a few sweets with this letter. Your father has been missing you terribly, I think he’s starving for a sympathetic figure other than me; I suppose. We’ve been spending an awfully long amount of time with- _ (At this point in the letter, her mother had scratched out a phrase. Lily couldn’t quite make it out, but as she read on, she was fairly sure it was an insult.) _the ever-so-charming Vernon Dursley and the equally pleasant Marge. They visit nearly every day (though that’s to be expected, I suppose), and it’s driving your father up the wall-_

Lily wrinkled her nose in distaste at the mention of Vernon and his equally vile sister. Lily had met them once before, meeting them for dinner at a fancy restaurant in London. Petunia had so kindly encouraged the idea that Lily spent her school term at a mental institution in London. Marge and Vernon proceeded to treat her like a disease for the rest of the evening. 

Speaking of, has Tuney's letter gotten to you yet? If so, then I'm so sorry. I can't reason with her. She is so bent on having things her way with this, and I must admit I’m running out of steam. Don't worry, of course you are coming, but- 

Here, Lily paused and blinked in confusion. Had Petunia suddenly decided that Lily was not allowed to come home? Lily had met him once before, and rather than sticking to the original story of her living in Scotland at boarding school, Petunia had encouraged the idea that Lily spent her school terms at a mental institution in London. Vernon proceeded to treat her like a disease for the rest of the evening.  
Frowning, Lily set down the letter from her mother and picked up her sister's instead. 

_Lily,  
I'm getting married, as you know. Don’t expect to be included, I don't care what mum says. Vernon already thinks something is up with you, and he's only seen you once. You should probably stay at someone else's house for the summer since there will be a lot of wedding planning and such with his family. I can't risk his family finding out about you and your freakiness.  
-Petunia _

Lily had long since accepted that her sister would never like her, but this hurt. And then, just like with Snape back in their fifth year, the hurt within her slowly turned into anger. A slow, burning, feeling of absolute fury and anguish was coursing through her veins. 

How dare she. 

_How dare she?_

Who did she think she was to forbid her from going to her only sister's wedding, to forbid her from coming home to her own house? Anger overflowing, Lily took the letter and tore it to pieces. Resisting the urge to scream at the top of her lungs, (it was one in the morning, after all) she tossed the pieces into the fire. This did not help. Angry as ever, she grabbed her charms textbook off of the desk and threw it at the opposite wall. And then, as if the world was trying to ruin her life, the portrait hole opened, and she found herself staring across the room at James Potter. 

The book missed him by a mere foot. They stared at each other in shock, in utter disbelief about what had just happened. James cleared his throat, and said as if nothing unusual had happened at all, 

"Alright Evans?"

Lily opened her mouth, but no words came out. 

"Trying out a new hobby, are we?” James asked, folding his arms. “Book throwing? Target practice? You'd be a fairly good chaser with that aim, you know," He said.

"S-sorry," Lily stammered. "That was an accident. I didn't know you were coming.” She felt her face flush as she folded her arms.

"S'all right," James replied, yawning widely, "now what's the problem?" 

"Problem," Lily echoed, "I have no problem." 

"Oh, so you've been throwing books around at unsuspecting people for fun, have you," he asked, rolling his eyes. Lily frowned. 

"I already told you, it was an accident," she said. "I wasn't trying to hit you." 

They said nothing for a while, and then Lily summoned her book from across the room and began packing her things in her bag. "I should probably get to bed," she said softly, breaking the tension.  
"Evans," James said, walking toward her, "what's the matter? What happened?" Lily said nothing, focusing on getting her things packed away. "Look," James said, "I know that we aren't the best of friends, but you can tell—"

"It's my sister," Lily blurted out, turning to face him. "She hates me, and... well, here."

She handed James the letter from Petunia and turned away as tears began to form in her eyes. “Read it yourself.” James looked at her, and then the letter. His expression became progressively angry with every second he spent reading. 

"That’s… awful," James said quietly.

"I don't know what to do," she said, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "She's my sister, and it-it's not supposed to be like this, but I can't change her mind, and Mum says it will be alright but I don't believe her because nothing has ever changed ever and all we do is fight and it's hurting my parents, and-"

She trailed off, losing her breath, and James held his arms out to her. She walked into his outstretched arms, and James Potter of all people held her as she cried. And after a while, once her sobs had turned to shuddering breaths, her thoughts turned from the mess that was her relationship with her sister, to James Potter. Of all the people she expected to comfort her about her family issues, it was not him. And yet, it was. He was the one comforting her, letting her know that she would be okay, treating her not as a prize to win, or “the chase”, but as an equal.

As a friend. 

Friends. Is that what they were now? They certainly didn't fight as much anymore, aside from their usual banter, and to be honest, she didn't mind it too much. Not to mention, he seemed to be a much better person. Of course he and his band of "Marauders" were still pranking others, as they always would, but they were a lot less vicious and targeted the student body at large rather than individuals. Yes, James Potter had changed for the better, but why? 

She recalled a piece of conversation that had occurred a year previously:

_"You bully people for the fun of it, just because you can, and we will never be friends while you do that. So, until you clean up your act, don’t expect anything from me."_

Had he changed for her? Surely not, but still... James interrupted her thoughts, saying quietly,

"It's going to be okay. Maybe not now, tomorrow, or even this year. But it will one day."

"You honestly think so?" she asked doubtfully, pulling away to look at him. 

"Yes," he said firmly, taking her hand in his. "Look, Sirius came from a similar situation. His family was -is- fairly horrible. And he got through it, didn’t he? Because he had us. Me, Remus, and Peter. I’m not saying to turn away from your family as he did,” James said quickly when he saw Lily’s expression, “I’m only saying that you should remember that- that we’re always here for you.” James held her gaze. He had a sincere smile on his face, and Lily considered his words. 

Her eyes flitted to the fire, where the letter from Petunia was smoldering in the flames. The hurtful words she had said echoed in her mind, and she almost started to cry again. She wished things were different. Wished that Petunia loved her, that her sister was there for her like she should be. She felt much like she did back in fifth year, reeling from Snape’s betrayal, and she felt a stab of remorse, realizing she had now lost another part of her past. 

And yet…

_We’re always here for you._

James was right. She did have them. She had Marlene, Mary, Alice, Dorcas. Even James and his band of friends were more friendly. And yes, Petunia was awful to her, but… maybe it would all work out in the end. 

"Hey," James said, bringing her out of her thoughts. 

"Hm," Lily replied, turning to face him. His hazel eyes were earnest as he looked at her, and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"If you ever want to talk, Evans,” he said, “just let me know. I'm always around" 

"Thanks, Potter," she said, returning his smile. She let go of his hand and picked up her bag, which lay on the soft armchair by the fire. 

"No problem," James said happily, patting her shoulder affectionately. "That's what friends are for, right?"

"Friends?" Lily repeated slowly, rising to look at him curiously.

"Well…yeah,” James began, a little uneasily. “We are friends, aren't we? I mean, we’re definitely not mortal enemies anymore."

"I suppose not," Lily laughed softly. She offered her hand to him. "Alright then. Friends?" James didn’t hesitate to take it, grinning broadly as he did so. 

"Friends." 

Lily smiled. “Well, I’d better get to bed. I’m a bit miserable to be with when sleep-deprived,” Lily said, yawing. “Night Potter.” She gave him a parting wave and turned to make her way upstairs, ready to fall into bed and sleep. 

"Hey, One more thing," James said casually, "friends generally call each other by their first names, you know,"

Lily turned around and looked at him. He was looking at her with a smile, a hopeful one, much like the one he had given her the previous year after she had accepted his apology. That time, she had shot him down at once, the smile vanishing as soon as it had come. But not this time. 

"Do they,” She replied returning the smile, “Well then, _James,_ " she said, "I'll gladly do that. Goodnight."

“Night Lily,” He replied, looking as if the very act of saying her name brought music to his ears. And, though she did not know it, it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Leave a comment/Review if desired, those things keep me going!!


	3. Kidding Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which James gets a girlfriend and Sirius, Remus, and Peter think their best friend has gone a little mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi
> 
> Remember when I said you could expect regular updates? Yeah, me either.
> 
> I have nothing to say for myself, I'm sorry. Here's the next chapter. 
> 
> As always, Happy reading!

James Potter was absolutely 100% definitely over Lily Evans. 

He believed this to be a very monumental achievement, considering he had been hung up on the redhead since he was 13. And naturally, he had to tell his friends about it. Unfortunately for him, they were less than supportive. The first person he went to was Peter, who was finishing up his potions essay.

"Wormtail, old buddy, old pal, I have an announcement to make," He said.

Peter lifted his head from his essay.

"Okay then," He said after a beat of silence, "Let's hear it."

"I am pleased to inform you," he said proudly, "that I am over Lily Evans," Silence. They stared at each other for a brief moment, and then Peter sighed.

"Sure you are Prongs," he said with an impassive expression, turning away to resume work on his essay, "because someone who looked exactly like you was staring at her for the entire hour we had charms." He shook his head, apparently disappointed.

"I am over her," James repeated stubbornly. "Honestly, Peter, the crush is gone for good."

"Mmm," Peter mumbled, still bent over his essay. "Absolutely."

"Whatever," James said stiffly, rising from the table, "I'm going to find some more supportive friends." He stood up and made to leave the library.

"He's delusional," Peter muttered under his breath.

"I heard that!" James called back to him as the door swung shut behind him. Peter snickered.

\-----

Remus didn't even bother to look up from his book when he said,

"No, you're not James, stop kidding yourself."

"I'm telling you, Remus," James said proudly, "I've moved on from her." Remus sighed.

"You say that James, but you're not fooling anyone. You don't just suddenly decide that you don't like someone who you've loved for years."

"Who says that I've made it suddenly," James said, affronted.

"I have," Remus said calmly, "and it's because I know you."

And with that, the topic was dropped.

\-----

Sirius just laughed.

"What's so funny," James asked angrily.

"Nothing," Sirius said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, "It's just that you really are desperate, aren't you?" And he walked away, still laughing madly.

James was left scowling, watching Sirius walk away. He had hoped that his friends would have had a bit more confidence in him. Their responses to his declaration swirled in his thoughts, landing on Remus's.

_You don't just suddenly decide that you don't like someone who you've loved for years._

_Well,_ he thought, _Maybe Remus has a point. I can't just do it all of a sudden, so what if..._ A plan began to form in his head as he stood in the great hall, and he looked over to the Ravenclaw table. There sat Annie Herondale, a beautiful girl with long blonde hair and light brown eyes.

"Hey, Annie," he said brightly, "Want to go to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?"

\-----

"You asked out Annie Herondale?" Peter asked in surprise. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all sitting in their dormitory, laughing and enjoying the night when James mentioned his new relationship.

"And she said yes," James said smugly. "I figured you were right, Remus, there was no way I could suddenly let Lily go, I needed to actually try."

"And you thought that asking another girl out would help matters?" Sirius asked quizzically.

"Whatever it takes," James said firmly. "Lily isn't going to like me in that way anytime soon, and I don't want her to feel..."

"uncomfortable," Peter suggested. James swallowed and looked away.

"Yeah, something like that." Sirius looked like he wanted to say something more, but Remus spoke up before he could say anything further.

"Well, we're your friends, so we'll support you." The rest of the boys nodded, though Sirius looked uncertain. 

James looked at them in surprise.

"Er- thanks," he said. "I'm going downstairs for a bit. I've got to go over the prefect schedule with Lily, be back soon." Feeling much better about his situation, he got up and left the room, but as the door swung shut behind him, he heard Remus say,

"Give it time, he'll realize it eventually." James frowned. Realize what? That he wasn't going to get over Lily? But he had to. Because as much as he wished, she didn't like him like that. That was the problem. And he couldn't continue to watch as she lived her life happily seeing him as a friend, while he didn't. It wasn't right to put the pressure of a relationship on her when she clearly didn't see him in that way. It wasn't fair to her.

So, he decided to let it go. Lily Evans would no longer plague his thoughts. 

Yet, when he caught sight of Lily's bright smile at their usual table, the prospect of getting over her seemed even more impossible.

A month later, James strolled down the snow-covered streets of Hogsmeade, hand-in-hand with his new girlfriend. Annie was charming, and she frequently had a smile on her face. Sirius said that it was there to hide the venomous personality, but James refused to believe it. Annie had been nothing but kind to him, and as far as he knew, she was the same towards everyone else.

As they hurried down the streets to get out of the cold, they passed by Gladrags Wizardwear, the only source of clothing in Hogsmeade. As they did so, Annie gasped in delight.

"Oh, James," she said excitedly, "I'm going to go look around in there. I still need a dress for the Christmas party!"

James sighed. Unfortunately, James had let slip that there would be a Christmas Celebration for the whole of Hogwarts. Annie had taken this to heart and was badgering him at every turn.

"Okay," He said in exasperation, "but don't mention it to anyone else, okay? No one is supposed to know about it yet, remember?"

She nodded, waving her hand.

"Yes, yes, I know. Are you coming in with me?"

James paused. He didn't, as a matter of fact, wish to go into a dress shop with his fashion-obsessed girlfriend. So, he smiled at her and said in a cheerful voice,

"Nah, I wouldn't be of any help to you. I have no eye for style."

"But you're not going to just stay out here in the cold, are you?" she asked in surprise.

"No, I'll just go wait for you in Honeyduke's, okay," he said. "Sirius is out of chocolate, and he couldn't come to Hogsmeade today, because he's in detention."

"Okay," Annie said reluctantly.

"I'll see you soon," James promised, kissing her forehead.

As he entered the sweetshop, scents of chocolate, toffee, and peppermint washed over him. He sighed at the warmth and moved further into the shop, which was full of people looking for an escape from the cold outside. Hurrying over to the chocolate section (More for himself than for Sirius,) he bumped into someone.

That someone turned out to be Lily.

When she saw it was him, she brightened considerably, emerald eyes sparkling, which was something James appreciated. Then he remembered he wasn't supposed to think about her like that anymore, and he mentally reprimanded himself.

You ought to watch where you're going, Lil," he said gravely. "You could hurt someone."

Lily laughed.

"Well, you know me," she said. "I'm fairly unobservant, you know."

"I do know," he said, smiling back at her. "So, what are you doing here, then?"

"Looking for you, actually," she said. "Remus said you would be in here with your girlfriend." She looked around the shop, evidently looking for Annie. "Is she here?"

"No, she isn't. She stopped by Gladrags." Lily frowned.

"The clothing shop?" she asked, "why?" James looked away guiltily.

"I may have accidentally let slip that we were putting together a Christmas party with McGonagall," He said. Lily sighed in exasperation.

"James," she groaned, "It was supposed to be a secret!"

"I know," he said, feeling even worse than before, "I'm sorry, it just happened." Lily shook her head.

"I suppose that it's fine as long as she hasn't told anyone." James smiled in relief.

"She won't tell a soul," he promised. "she's trustworthy."

A look passed over Lily's face, and James had a hard time placing it. It almost looked as if she were angry. But why? What had he said? As far as he knew, she had no reason to be bitter. Unless- no, that wasn't it. Lily didn't like him in that way. That was the whole reason he had a new girlfriend in the first place.

"So, what did you need my expertise on, Lily?" James asked.

"Oh, yes," Lily said, any trace of annoyance gone, apparently relieved they had moved on from the subject of his girlfriend. "Well, I came across McGonagall before I came to town, and she said to pass along the message to you that Dumbledore wants to meet with us."

James raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Why," he asked. "Did we do something wrong?" Lily shrugged, and James tried to ignore the way her hair looked as snow fell from it.

"I don't know," Lily said. "I just had to pass along the message." James nodded.

"Okay then," he said, "I'll be there." Lily smiled; her emerald eyes bright. James's heart began to beat rapidly at the sight of her happiness. Happiness that was directed at him. It made a nice change.

"Thanks, James," she said. "I've got to go. My friends are waiting for me in The Three Broomsticks." James smiled at her.

"Okay then," he said. "Adieu, madame," he said, bowing comically. Lily laughed lightly, and James smiled at her.

"Goodbye, James," she said, still giggling. She gave a final wave and hurried out of the sweetshop. As he watched her go, James smiled to himself. Soon, however, the more he thought about Lily, the worse he felt. The conversation he had just had with her led him to the realization and truth that his friends already had.

No matter what he said, who he dated, or how much he tried to deceive himself, he would never, ever be over Lily Evans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for now! leave a comment/review pls. They keep me motivated, and hearing feedback helps me improve.


	4. Accepting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which James's girlfriend is the worst, Lily is conflicted, and Sirius Black is a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, look how on top of things I am.   
> Happy reading! this one was fun to write.

No.

Just no.

Lily Evans absolutely did not fancy James Potter. If one were to ask her, a cold-hearted stare awaited them, followed by a lengthy lecture on why she didn't, these reasons including:

He has a girlfriend

He sees Lily as a friend and nothing more

They're partners as head boy and girl, and romance would distract them

Of course, some people didn't believe her. Well, okay, most people. Particularly her friends Marlene and Mary. They would share a look every time James's name came up, which was often since her dormitory was very close-knit with the Marauders. Marlene and Sirius were together, and Peter and Mary were dating as well. Remus and Dorcas had been skirting around each other for months, and people had started placing bets on them.

Recently, Lily had become aware of the one circulating about her and James, and this bothered her. Quite a bit, actually. No one else seemed to care, however, and continued to act as usual.

Currently, Lily was sitting alone in the library, reading a book for her charms homework. It was a bit of a tedious read today, despite her general enjoyment of the subject. Just as she was about to slam the book shut and scream with frustration, Sirius Black came sauntering up to her, a lazy grin on his face.

"Hello, Lily-Love," he said as he sat in the seat next to her. Lily rolled her eyes at him and sighed.

"Don't call me that, Sirius," she replied in exasperation. "Don't you have a girlfriend?" Sirius waved his hand, dismissing her statement.

"Marlene knows that I only have eyes for her," he said.

"I wouldn't, given how many girls you're flirting with," Lily answered.

"Well, you're not my girlfriend, are you?" he said. "How have you been?"

"Just peachy," Lily muttered.

"What's the problem?"

"Charms," Lily said in annoyance. "Flitwick insists on torturing me."

"Do you," Sirius said, "Well, don't worry about it, Evans, you'll get it eventually."

"Will I," Lily responded, "because, at the moment, I'm seriously debating on dropping out."

"Because that's a logical idea," Sirius replied humorously.

"I'm honestly considering it," She said darkly. "what are you doing in here, anyway?" Sirius smiled.

"I'm getting a book from the restricted section for our defense against the dark arts class, and I just so happened to see you here!"

"Well, get on with it," Lily said. "The section is right over there." She jabbed her thumb in the direction of the restricted section and turned back to her reading. Sirius smiled and went to get his book.

"James is pretty good at charms, you know," Sirius said smoothly as he slid back across from her.

There it was. Again.

Every conversation she had with Sirius always ended up about James at some point.

"Is he?"

"Yeah, I could let him know," Sirius said.

"Sirius, he's one of my best friends," Lily sighed. "I can ask him."

"So why haven't you?"

That gave Lily pause. She had considered it many times. Lily had to admit, James was one of the best in their year at charms. If anyone could help her, it was him. But there was the little issue of his girlfriend. Just the thought of the girl made Lily's blood boil.

"Because his girlfriend hates me," she said shortly, suddenly furious. "and apparently James is going to cheat on her with me every time I speak to him."

Sirius laughed loudly.

"Is that so?"

"Yes," Lily continued, "and it's making our job as head boy and girl rather difficult. I know he likes her, but Merlin's beard, Sirius, she's a nightmare."

"I'll drink to that," Sirius said, sighing.

"You hate her too?" Lily looked up hopefully. "I'm not alone, then?"

"More than you know," Sirius muttered darkly. "She's a closeted blood purist. I've seen her family at my parents' house."

"Closeted? She's called me Mudblood at least 20 times since she and James started dating," Lily said, burying her head in her hands.

"Shall I curse her lights out for you," Sirius asked as he took out his wand.

"No, it's fine," Lily sighed. "I just…" she broke off and looked away.

"What," Sirius asked.

"Sirius, how can he date someone like her? She's so horrible!" Lily slammed her book shut. Sirius looked at her steadily.

"I don't think he knows, Lily."

"He doesn't—"

"I don't think he wants to see what she is. He's…trying to cope with something, and I guess having a girlfriend helps him." Lily said nothing, just looked at him sadly. Sirius took another breath and continued. "If he did; if he knew who she really was Lily, then he would drop her in an instant."

"Do you think so?" Sirius met her eyes and gave her a sad smile.

"Yeah, I do," he said.

"It just- Sirius, I hate seeing him like this.!"

"I know," Sirius said softly.

"I don't care what he says, there's no way he's really happy," Sirius said nothing, and Lily took this as an indication to keep going. "She's horrible to everyone and he doesn't even know it!"

"Lily—"

"I can't stand to see them together! They're attached at the hip, and that would be fine if not for the fact that she's a massive b—'

"Lily," Sirius interrupted. "I know."

They sat in silence for a while, miserable as the rain pounded on the windows. Lily's throat was tight, and she turned away, willing herself not to cry. She thought of James, his kindness, thoughtfulness, and his loyalty. How much he loved everyone.

How much she loved him. She may as well admit it to herself. There was no reason to tell herself otherwise. And maybe, just maybe, accepting it would make it easier.

She had a suspicion that it wouldn't.

"And the worst part," Lily said quietly, "is that I love him, Sirius. I love him and there's nothing I can do now."

When she looked back at him, Sirius was looking at her with a sad expression.

"I know Lily," he said. "I know."

"I rejected him for years, Sirius," she said, tears beginning to fall. "I made it perfectly clear that I had no romantic interest in him and he's moved on." A long, heavy, silence fell between them once again. She wiped her eyes, and Sirius sighed.

"Lily," he said, breaking the silence, "James has fancied you for years. And I don't care what garbage he says, he isn't just going to give up on you. It's not who he is. Trust me. He loves you too. He just thinks you don't love him back, so he's dating someone to distract himself."

"Sounds a bit stupid of him," Lily said through her tears. Sirius shrugged and let out a small chuckle.

"Yeah, but that's James. He makes stupid choices all the time. Don't worry Lily, he'll come round eventually." Lily examined his earnest, sincere, expression, and a flicker of hope sparked within her.

"You really have that much faith in him?"

"Lily, I have more faith in him than in anyone, aside from me, of course." Lily took a shuddering breath and gave him a small smile.

"Thanks, Sirius," she said. Sirius smiled and squeezed her shoulder as he stood to go.

"Anytime Lily," he said, and he began to leave the library.

"Sirius," Lily said slowly, "I know that you all have a betting pool about me and James, and you're probably wanting to 'cash in' on whatever bets you have." Sirius turned to look at her. He raised his eyebrows.

"And?"

"Can you please not tell anyone? I- this is something that I need to take care of myself, okay." Sirius gave her a kind smile and nodded.

"I won't tell anyone, Lily. I promise." Lily studied him and saw nothing but sincerity on his face.

"Thank you," Lily said, relief flooding over her.

Sirius gave her an exaggerated thumbs up and hurried out of the library, whistling as he went. As he did so, Lily turned back to her charms book. She looked at the complicated theory of the memory charm and took a deep breath. She stood up and exited the library. When she saw Kallie, a seventh-year prefect from Ravenclaw, one of Annie's friends, she smiled.

"Hey, Kallie," she said happily, filled with a new resolve, "Do you know where James is?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, as well as supporting this little hobby! I appreciate it! :) Please leave a comment/review! or don't I won't be offended!

**Author's Note:**

> That's all for now, hope you enjoyed! :)  
> Leave a review/ comment, those things keep me going, lol.


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